Here is where I’m at with the copy for the webpage and a rewrite on the cocktail napkin curious about what people think of the direction making them like advertising commandments.
Cocktail Napkin:
Ad commandment 12: When you see your first spot air in a bar, contain your 5th grade squeal.
Website Landing Page:
So you’re interested in advertising, or a little twisted, or both. A bit of a masochist or just a conflicted consumerist. Only creative hustlers, deadline devotees, and midnight oil burners will survive. We are a tortured group in need of a path. There is only one guide. (The Copy Book *fades into picture*)
Purchase Page:
BUY THE BOOK WRITTEN BY AD GODS.
Want to know what it’s like to be on the inside looking out? Atop your clouded tower peering at your loyal disciples below. These are 416 tales of ads that have risen to the heavens. Providing you with the commandments that you will need to become great yourself.
Ascend Now
After Purchase:
YOU MAY NOW RECEIVE CELESTIAL GUIDANCE ON ADVERTISING.
You’ve taken the first step on your path to the top, but no one said it would be an easy journey. To prove yourself worthy of being in the flock of greatness you must excel in the following tests.
Advertising test:
ARE YOU WORTHY?
Q:Who is the God of advertising?
a. Ogilvy stands atop the ad mountain.
b. Anyone who says so and has the book to back it up.
c. There are no Gods in advertising. Only devils.
d. The clients rule all. We must serve them.
If you have come this far, you have been exposed to truly superb headlines, but can you write one.
If you are selling a new brand of hot sauce that uses the Ghost chili, the hottest pepper known to man. What is you headline?
Ignorance would say: So hot it’ll blow your socks off.
Greatness would say: When your last meal is a hotdog.
Now you try.
Judging talent…This is going to take awhile.
Access Denied:
YOUR ACENSION HAS BEEN POSTPONED.
You aren’t great yet. You might be good, but good won’t get you that far. This site is for the advertising elite only. Please kindly wait in purgatory until you are deemed worthy to enter.
Purgatory:
WELCOME TO THE MIDDLEGROUND.
Unfortunately you can’t transcend to the heavens yet, but at least you haven’t plummeted to normality. While you wait you should try honing your craft it may help you along your journey upwards.
See proposed edits in text. The big thing is to ax unnecessary words to give your copy more punch. Also, SPELLCHECK! Lastly, I flopped a couple of your sentences to lead with the actiony bits. Read through, retweak as you see fit.
ReplyDeleteCocktail Napkin:
The 12th Copy Commandment: When you see your first spot air in a bar, contain your 5th grade squeal.
Website Landing Page:
So you’re interested in advertising, or a little twisted, or both. A bit of a masochist or just a conflicted consumerist. Only creative hustlers, deadline devotees, and midnight oil burners will survive. We are a tortured group in need of a path. There is only one guide. (The Copy Book *fades into picture*)
Purchase Page:
BUY THE BOOK WRITTEN BY AD GODS.
Want to know what it's like to be on the inside looking out? To peer down at your loyal subjects from the corner office? Stand witness to 416 ads we exalt and learn the commandments of rising to the top.
Ascend Now
After Purchase:
YOU MAY NOW RECEIVE CELESTIAL GUIDANCE ON ADVERTISING.
You’ve taken the first step on your path to the top, but no one said it would be an easy journey. Prove yourself worthy of being in the flock.
You may need a test reference again here, but it's pretty self explanatory, given their on the same page.
Advertising test:
ARE YOU WORTHY?
Q:Who is the God of advertising?
a. Ogilvy stands atop the ad mountain.
b. Anyone who says so and has the book to back it up.
c. There are no Gods in advertising. Only devils.
d. The clients rule all. We must serve them.
You have come far. Along your journey, you've been exposed to truly superb headlines. But can you write one?
You are selling a new brand of hot sauce that uses the Ghost chili, the hottest pepper known to man. What is your headline?
Ignorance would say: So hot it’ll blow your socks off.
Greatness would say: When your last meal is a hotdog.
Now you try.
Judging talent…This is going to take awhile.
Access Denied:
YOUR ASCENSION HAS BEEN POSTPONED.
You aren’t great yet. You might be good, but good won’t get you that far. This site is for the advertising elite only. Please kindly wait in purgatory until you are deemed worthy to enter.
Purgatory:
WELCOME TO THE MIDDLEGROUND.
Unfortunately you can’t transcend to the heavens yet, but at least you haven’t plummeted to normalcy. Hone your craft while you wait. It may help you along your journey upwards.
Need to make purgatory more social. Wasn't that the plan? Just one screen with a countdown is a letdown.
Also, wasn't this meant to say 'inner fifth grader squeal' or did we ax that?
ReplyDeleteThe 12th Copy Commandment: When you see your first spot air in a bar, contain your 5th grade squeal.
No worries, purgatory will be more social, I just haven't had a chance to finish designing the page. I just went ahead and posted it to show you what it's starting to look like.
ReplyDelete