Approved:
1. Girls like guys who are charitable.
2. You’ve always been told it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Now you can post how good you are on the inside – all over your Facebook wall.
3. Impress her with a five dollar donation. Dinner and a movie is at least twenty.
Tweaked lines:
1. Your boss takes up two parking spots. You teach kids how to read, charities a better pickup line.
2. If people aren’t interested in a charity, they will at least fake it.
3. Appease mom’s guilt. Finally send food to starving kids around the world.
4. On a resume charity work will get you noticed. Video game achievements less so.
5. Read to kids around the world before school, at least you now have an excuse for waking up after noon.
6. Order your iced foam low-fat caramel macchiato without guilt. You read to children in third world countries.
Body copy/Info for QR code: (Not sure how much explanation is needed here.)
Start acting like you care. Take a picture of our QR code using your iPhone to download the free app to immediately start receiving an unearned sense of do-gooderness.
Taglines:
1. Your charitable wingman.
2. Helping others and yourself.
3. Self-Centered Charity.
For our web presence:
1. There’s a fine line between a selfless and a selfish good deed. As long as you donate, we don’t care.
2. Show that you have global experience without having to get out of your chair.
I like the 1st & 3rd ones, for the 2nd one, it's kind of long and I don't feel it's consistent with the others. Maybe I get it wrong and you can correct me. And to me, both the 1st & 3rd ones are from man's perspective. How about we can have a headline from woman's perspective?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSince I am not in your class, I'll just give you guys feedback from what I'm reading.
ReplyDeleteFrom your tweaked lines I like this one the most:
"4. On a resume charity work will get you noticed. Video game achievements less so."
Why? Because this is the only line that doesn't feel as though you are judging me as the reader. I want to help, but I don't want to be guilt-tripped into doing it.
Perhaps trying a less condemning approach would work better? Again, though, this is my own personal opinion.
As to the taglines, I like the first one. The second isn't bad, but even if I help myself I still want to believe I am mainly doing it to help someone else, right? The third I feel might be too cynic.
BTW, my comment was the one above! I had this blog a long time ago and I had forgotten to switched from my nickname to my name.
ReplyDelete#2 from the approved list should be moved to web presence.
ReplyDeleteTweaked lines:
2. If people aren’t interested in a charity, they will at least fake it.
This is still an interesting idea but is missing the punch it needs as a line. Keep tweaking.
3. Appease mom’s guilt. Finally send food to starving kids around the world.
Like it -- but it feels like it is stepping away from the target a bit. Keep it on the back-burner for now.
4. On a resume, charity work will get you noticed. Video game achievements, less so.
Approved!
Body copy:
The last part of your body copy is the most interesting: "download the free app to immediately start receiving an unearned sense of do-gooderness." Make the lead in just as snappy. The QR code and iPhone reference could likely be handled with icons (art direction comment) so you can eliminate it here. Just keep the meat -- why someone would bother downloading in the first place.
Taglines:
1. Your charitable wingman.
Approved.
For our web presence:
1. There’s a fine line between a selfless and a selfish good deed. As long as you donate, we don’t care.
2. Show that you have global experience without having to get out of your chair.
I want a descriptive word before chair. What type of chair is this person sitting in?
Let's start seeing these approved lines in layout!