Whats in (here) is what changes depending on the research
Subject Line:
1. You dropped your card at (Starbucks.)
2. Recognized you at (Starbucks.)
3. We’re going to have to grab (potatoes) next time you are at (Starbucks)
4. Saw you at (baseball game) wanted to say hi
5. We talked briefly at (monster truck rally)
6. Bumped into you at (leprechaun museum)
Body Copy:
Well hello there, we have much to discuss. Namely what we found out about you. No this isn’t blackmail, more like a pale-turquoise-mail. We’ve been following you in the friendliest sort of way, notice you drink a lot of (coffee/beer) does everyone at (Starbucks/hole in the wall) know your name?
Your name is certainly known around our offices. You’ve become quite the topic of interest. We’ve been wanting to induct you. Not in a here try some kool-aid sort of way, we think that we have something unique to offer you. A resource to make your life easier.
Out of the (6520 minutes) you are awake weekly wouldn’t you like more to go visit with (family/dog/accountant) more? But all that time spent researching, wouldn’t it be nice to have a mind meld that connects your brain to the information you are looking for?
Well that’s what Strategaria offers. Clean, simple, and direct planner approved information – granting all of your planning wishes. Insights on demographics and industry categories are available at your beckon call
Strategaria relies on user input. This is why we would like you to become involved with our project. By submitting your findings and insights you build the content of the site making it more reliable and current than any google search.
Life moves too quickly for strategic plans to stay relevant, there needs to be a new option. So come join us, so that you can spend more time (flying/skiing/hunting humans) and less time pondering over an insight at (starbucks/bar/opium den).
We’ll be seeing you,
The Strategaria team.
Showing posts with label JP LEROUX. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JP LEROUX. Show all posts
5/9/11
Fox copy Marina and Thuy
Here is where I'm at with the second round of headlines for Thuy, really hoping that something is working for them. I will keep attempting to write more but if someone sees one that they like please let me know, it might help direct me. Then below is Marina's approved headlines as well as what I have so far for body copy and the working tagline. Let me know what you guys think.
Thuy:
1. The craftsmanship of the Parthenon, the thick skin of the Apollo, the underbelly of CBGB, all found in a place that isn’t San Francisco.
2. A touch of elegance not even seen at ye Grand Ole Opry house.
3. No need to gussy it up we’re fine with being old. What’s your excuse ye Grand Ole Opry house?
4. Amazing percussions like the Sydney Opera House without worry of koala attacks.
5. The fun of the Apollo without the worry of being booed.
6. It’s good that CBGB closed now punk has a larger place to trash.
7. No music has been heard in the Parthenon for thousands of years, fans still get the same wide eyes when they hear the tunes played in it’s ancestor.
8. From the ashes of the Globe theater you can listen to the sound of drama playing out again.
9. There is no death at a theater as long as the fans keep coming.
10. Some weren’t so lucky our heart goes out to the Tower Theater maybe one day we will be brothers of the marquee again.
11. We can only try to live up to being Majestic.
12. Tonight we listen to the music because who knows what tomorrow will hold.
13. Every night is a celebration for another chance to keep our doors are open.
14. Our struggle was one that surpasses anything you’ve ever seen at Madison Square Gardens.
15. The blues sung at Booker T carried us through our tough times.
16. Tonight is for our fallen comrades, the theaters that didn’t make it.
17. The lights on our marquee shine out to remember the theaters of yesteryear.
18. A comeback on the stage that received a comeback.
19. The curtain draws revealing our history.
20. We have the Garden’s lights, the Apollo’s hide and the Parthenon’s cracks, but we have our own history.
21. You’re hooked to the stage just try and survive your addiction.
22. Each seat is like a note that builds a song.
23. Rising from the rubble and ash of failed hopes and silver screens.
24. Music here is treated with reverence not seen since the old days of the parthanon.
25. The stage holds musicians up so that they don’t fall.
26. More than music, an experience here will resonate your very soul.
27. Music is more than just a collection of notes, our theater is more than just rows of seats.
28. With one tear of a ticket you are transported seeing the columns of the Parthanon rise up as musicians offer notes to the heavens.
29. Close your gapping mouth the show hasn’t even started.
30. You cannot kill beauty that goes so deep.
31. All those years when our stage had gone dark was just beauty rest.
32. Our gilded walls shine as a testament that we have entertained for this long.
Marina:
Headlines:
1. Keith Richards wouldn’t sound so good if he didn’t survive heroin.
2. Ozzy never would have rocked Texas if he hadn’t first pissed on the Alamo.
3. 50 cent couldn’t spit fire if he didn’t have nine bullet holes.
4. There would be no smoke on the water if Hendrix chose prison over the army.
5. Ray Charles couldn’t have felt the music, if he had seen the notes.
Bodycopy:
Other venues wish they had our past. A rap sheet longer than any artist's. Music needs grit in order for the notes to shine through. We didn’t just survive, we overcame all odds. Just to open our curtains.
Tagline:
History made our reputation.
Thuy:
1. The craftsmanship of the Parthenon, the thick skin of the Apollo, the underbelly of CBGB, all found in a place that isn’t San Francisco.
2. A touch of elegance not even seen at ye Grand Ole Opry house.
3. No need to gussy it up we’re fine with being old. What’s your excuse ye Grand Ole Opry house?
4. Amazing percussions like the Sydney Opera House without worry of koala attacks.
5. The fun of the Apollo without the worry of being booed.
6. It’s good that CBGB closed now punk has a larger place to trash.
7. No music has been heard in the Parthenon for thousands of years, fans still get the same wide eyes when they hear the tunes played in it’s ancestor.
8. From the ashes of the Globe theater you can listen to the sound of drama playing out again.
9. There is no death at a theater as long as the fans keep coming.
10. Some weren’t so lucky our heart goes out to the Tower Theater maybe one day we will be brothers of the marquee again.
11. We can only try to live up to being Majestic.
12. Tonight we listen to the music because who knows what tomorrow will hold.
13. Every night is a celebration for another chance to keep our doors are open.
14. Our struggle was one that surpasses anything you’ve ever seen at Madison Square Gardens.
15. The blues sung at Booker T carried us through our tough times.
16. Tonight is for our fallen comrades, the theaters that didn’t make it.
17. The lights on our marquee shine out to remember the theaters of yesteryear.
18. A comeback on the stage that received a comeback.
19. The curtain draws revealing our history.
20. We have the Garden’s lights, the Apollo’s hide and the Parthenon’s cracks, but we have our own history.
21. You’re hooked to the stage just try and survive your addiction.
22. Each seat is like a note that builds a song.
23. Rising from the rubble and ash of failed hopes and silver screens.
24. Music here is treated with reverence not seen since the old days of the parthanon.
25. The stage holds musicians up so that they don’t fall.
26. More than music, an experience here will resonate your very soul.
27. Music is more than just a collection of notes, our theater is more than just rows of seats.
28. With one tear of a ticket you are transported seeing the columns of the Parthanon rise up as musicians offer notes to the heavens.
29. Close your gapping mouth the show hasn’t even started.
30. You cannot kill beauty that goes so deep.
31. All those years when our stage had gone dark was just beauty rest.
32. Our gilded walls shine as a testament that we have entertained for this long.
Marina:
Headlines:
1. Keith Richards wouldn’t sound so good if he didn’t survive heroin.
2. Ozzy never would have rocked Texas if he hadn’t first pissed on the Alamo.
3. 50 cent couldn’t spit fire if he didn’t have nine bullet holes.
4. There would be no smoke on the water if Hendrix chose prison over the army.
5. Ray Charles couldn’t have felt the music, if he had seen the notes.
Bodycopy:
Other venues wish they had our past. A rap sheet longer than any artist's. Music needs grit in order for the notes to shine through. We didn’t just survive, we overcame all odds. Just to open our curtains.
Tagline:
History made our reputation.
5/8/11
John Deere Vids
They keep kicking me out of the lab because it's past drop in hours, but I think our videos are done and uploaded glitch free to youtube. Check them out on our youtube channel at www.youtube.com/user/johndeereshow or go directly to the John Deere Show site at johndeereshow.com
5/3/11
Triumph Headlines
Just wanted to show where I'm at with Triumph, looking to see if this route is working.
Headlines:
Harleys:
1. As a pack of hogs passes you smile at the thought you don’t have to wear a uniform.
2. No beard required.
3. Some people don’t like leather.
4. Get out of the tree house meetings and ride.
5. No one wants to ride a pig.
6. You don’t have to raise your hand this isn’t grade school. (image of bike with raised handlebars.)
7. Kids shouldn’t point to you and say Santa.
8. A unique ride means you don’t have to pay membership dues.
9. Just because you ride, people shouldn’t think that you have grandchildren.
10. Some people like keeping their tattoos hidden.
Scooters:
1. You spent your life becoming an adult why would you get back on a kids bike?
2. Do you drink milk and play with GI Joes too?
3. Your ride shouldn’t be described as dainty.
4. Accessories shouldn’t include a basket.
5. Do you really want your paintjob matching your girlfriend’s lipstick?
6. Isn’t the whole point of owning a bike to get out of town, not be stuck in one?
7. Go carts were fun too.
8. Do you want some streamers to put on your handlebars?
9. You look like a Ping-Pong ball.
10. Something is wrong when your seat is bigger than your wheels.
Crotch Rockets:
1. Spare parts. (image of someone doing something stupid, maybe with no helmet passing in between cars)
2. Leave sitting on a rocket to cartoons.
3. It never worked out when trying to catch the roadrunner.
4. 0 to 180 in seconds is suicide.
5. Like giving a child a bazooka.
6. Some people aren’t built like ninjas.
7. Where’s your sword?
8. If falling headfirst makes sense to you.
9. You can enjoy life, or get through it as fast as possible.
Trucks:
1. If you live in the suburbs why do you need mudtires?
2. Nice gun rack, it matches your laptop satchel.
3. Do you stop to put on chains on your commute into LA for work?
4. What cargo do you have living in suburbia?
5. Farm much?
6. People are just going to ask you to help them move.
7. Hauling a trailer just means that your problems at home follow you.
8. Keep all of the luxuries of home with you, as you escape the luxuries of home.
9. Four wheel drive in case the drive through is a little frosty.
Sports Cars:
1. Compensating much?
2. It’s only a crisis if what your buying won’t last until your fifties.
3. All that money for freedom, yet you’re still buckled in.
4. Parking spots aren’t made for you no matter how small your car is.
5. If you wanted leather seats why not stay home on the couch?
6. All that money and you now need to pay for four tire changes.
7. Feel the wind through your comb-over.
Taglines:
1. Not just another bike.
2. Higher standards.
3. A smarter ride.
Headlines:
Harleys:
1. As a pack of hogs passes you smile at the thought you don’t have to wear a uniform.
2. No beard required.
3. Some people don’t like leather.
4. Get out of the tree house meetings and ride.
5. No one wants to ride a pig.
6. You don’t have to raise your hand this isn’t grade school. (image of bike with raised handlebars.)
7. Kids shouldn’t point to you and say Santa.
8. A unique ride means you don’t have to pay membership dues.
9. Just because you ride, people shouldn’t think that you have grandchildren.
10. Some people like keeping their tattoos hidden.
Scooters:
1. You spent your life becoming an adult why would you get back on a kids bike?
2. Do you drink milk and play with GI Joes too?
3. Your ride shouldn’t be described as dainty.
4. Accessories shouldn’t include a basket.
5. Do you really want your paintjob matching your girlfriend’s lipstick?
6. Isn’t the whole point of owning a bike to get out of town, not be stuck in one?
7. Go carts were fun too.
8. Do you want some streamers to put on your handlebars?
9. You look like a Ping-Pong ball.
10. Something is wrong when your seat is bigger than your wheels.
Crotch Rockets:
1. Spare parts. (image of someone doing something stupid, maybe with no helmet passing in between cars)
2. Leave sitting on a rocket to cartoons.
3. It never worked out when trying to catch the roadrunner.
4. 0 to 180 in seconds is suicide.
5. Like giving a child a bazooka.
6. Some people aren’t built like ninjas.
7. Where’s your sword?
8. If falling headfirst makes sense to you.
9. You can enjoy life, or get through it as fast as possible.
Trucks:
1. If you live in the suburbs why do you need mudtires?
2. Nice gun rack, it matches your laptop satchel.
3. Do you stop to put on chains on your commute into LA for work?
4. What cargo do you have living in suburbia?
5. Farm much?
6. People are just going to ask you to help them move.
7. Hauling a trailer just means that your problems at home follow you.
8. Keep all of the luxuries of home with you, as you escape the luxuries of home.
9. Four wheel drive in case the drive through is a little frosty.
Sports Cars:
1. Compensating much?
2. It’s only a crisis if what your buying won’t last until your fifties.
3. All that money for freedom, yet you’re still buckled in.
4. Parking spots aren’t made for you no matter how small your car is.
5. If you wanted leather seats why not stay home on the couch?
6. All that money and you now need to pay for four tire changes.
7. Feel the wind through your comb-over.
Taglines:
1. Not just another bike.
2. Higher standards.
3. A smarter ride.
Fox Copy
I have some re-writes and new headlines for Marina's Fox campaign. But I really need some guidance for the second one, the reborn. The place is beautiful and the influence from different cultures is interesting, but I am having a hard time finding other venues to pull from. The first few headlines were my attempt at going with the initial direction, but I was having a little more success focusing on just the beauty aspect. I didn't want to go too far down the wrong path though so some feedback would really be appreciated.
The Fox survived:
Headlines:
1. Keith Richards wouldn’t sound so good if he didn’t survive heroin.
2. Elton John wouldn’t sing so sweetly if he had never gotten past being called a queer.
3. Eminem wouldn’t be the hero of Detroit if he didn’t grow up in a double wide.
4. Ozzy Ozborne wouldn’t be a rock legend if he was animal friendly.
5. Ozzy never would have rocked Texas if he hadn’t first pissed on the Alamo.
6. 50 cent couldn’t spit fire if he didn’t have nine bullet holes.
7. 50 cent couldn’t call himself a gangster if he didn’t have nine bullet holes.
8. Johnny Cash never would have sung the Folsom blues, without seeing a prison wall.
9. Elvis wouldn’t have been king if he had been born with a silver spoon.
10. Snoop Dog’s wouldn’t be so smooth if he had never been forced to pimp.
11. There would be no smoke on the water if Hendrix chose prison over the army.
12. There would be no rock music without Chuck Berry, there would be no chuck berry if he had pulled the trigger.
13. Bob Marley couldn’t sing about freeing the world, if no one had tried to put him in a box.
14. Jayz wouldn’t be a New York king if he lost in the crack game.
15. Ray Charles did what groups with six eyes can only dream of.
16. Even after John Bonham’s death Zepplin will forever rock.
17. The Clash wouldn’t have been a headliner if they hadn’t had a cause to fight for.
18. Madonna wouldn’t put smiles on millions of faces without having her heart crushed.
19. There would be no Starman if Bowie didn’t return from the oblivion he was sucking up his nose.
20. There would be no punk scene if Iggy pop wasn’t a punk.
Bodycopy:
Other venues wish they had our past. Our rap sheet is longer than any artist. Music needs some grit.
Taglines:
1. It’s all about the past.
2. History matters.
3. We have character.
4. Earned reputation.
Reborn in 2009
Headlines:
1. Chiseled from the crumbled mass of the Parthanon.
2. The Theater Royal lent some paint.
3. Giving punks a place to hang out, not seen since CBGB’s back alley.
4. Laughs linger in the seat cushions inspired by the Apollo.
5. The woodwork brought on from the Globe.
6. Better than church.
7. Musicians want to play here.
8. Over a thousand years worth of style.
9. Forget about the band.
10. You can’t make up for a shitty band, that’s why we will never invite one.
11. Note the statues and gold inlaid walls, oh there’s a band playing too.
12. Classic design influence to set the stage for innovation.
13. The amalgamation of all great theaters.
14. Architecture this amazing shouldn’t be found in Oakland.
15. Velvet chairs and a band on stage.
16. Gold inlay on the walls only makes the music sweeter.
17. The music is edgy the floors are pristine.
18. Our bands add background music for viewing the theater.
19. Adding refinement to he unrefined.
20. The only theater where the band wishes they were looking at the stage.
21. The music’s an added bonus.
The Fox survived:
Headlines:
1. Keith Richards wouldn’t sound so good if he didn’t survive heroin.
2. Elton John wouldn’t sing so sweetly if he had never gotten past being called a queer.
3. Eminem wouldn’t be the hero of Detroit if he didn’t grow up in a double wide.
4. Ozzy Ozborne wouldn’t be a rock legend if he was animal friendly.
5. Ozzy never would have rocked Texas if he hadn’t first pissed on the Alamo.
6. 50 cent couldn’t spit fire if he didn’t have nine bullet holes.
7. 50 cent couldn’t call himself a gangster if he didn’t have nine bullet holes.
8. Johnny Cash never would have sung the Folsom blues, without seeing a prison wall.
9. Elvis wouldn’t have been king if he had been born with a silver spoon.
10. Snoop Dog’s wouldn’t be so smooth if he had never been forced to pimp.
11. There would be no smoke on the water if Hendrix chose prison over the army.
12. There would be no rock music without Chuck Berry, there would be no chuck berry if he had pulled the trigger.
13. Bob Marley couldn’t sing about freeing the world, if no one had tried to put him in a box.
14. Jayz wouldn’t be a New York king if he lost in the crack game.
15. Ray Charles did what groups with six eyes can only dream of.
16. Even after John Bonham’s death Zepplin will forever rock.
17. The Clash wouldn’t have been a headliner if they hadn’t had a cause to fight for.
18. Madonna wouldn’t put smiles on millions of faces without having her heart crushed.
19. There would be no Starman if Bowie didn’t return from the oblivion he was sucking up his nose.
20. There would be no punk scene if Iggy pop wasn’t a punk.
Bodycopy:
Other venues wish they had our past. Our rap sheet is longer than any artist. Music needs some grit.
Taglines:
1. It’s all about the past.
2. History matters.
3. We have character.
4. Earned reputation.
Reborn in 2009
Headlines:
1. Chiseled from the crumbled mass of the Parthanon.
2. The Theater Royal lent some paint.
3. Giving punks a place to hang out, not seen since CBGB’s back alley.
4. Laughs linger in the seat cushions inspired by the Apollo.
5. The woodwork brought on from the Globe.
6. Better than church.
7. Musicians want to play here.
8. Over a thousand years worth of style.
9. Forget about the band.
10. You can’t make up for a shitty band, that’s why we will never invite one.
11. Note the statues and gold inlaid walls, oh there’s a band playing too.
12. Classic design influence to set the stage for innovation.
13. The amalgamation of all great theaters.
14. Architecture this amazing shouldn’t be found in Oakland.
15. Velvet chairs and a band on stage.
16. Gold inlay on the walls only makes the music sweeter.
17. The music is edgy the floors are pristine.
18. Our bands add background music for viewing the theater.
19. Adding refinement to he unrefined.
20. The only theater where the band wishes they were looking at the stage.
21. The music’s an added bonus.
4/27/11
4/19/11
4/13/11
John Deere Lawn Porn Articles
Because people will of course be looking at LawnPorn just to read the articles, here is where I'm at. I have a few more ideas for subjects but wanted to get a sense what people think.
Dirty Thatchers
Welcome to another issue of Lawnscaping. I wanted to take a moment to talk about thatch, thatchers and thatching.
This is a term that’s not used everyday but here at Lawnscaping we believe in keeping things classy. Thatch is found directly below your grass line. It is the accumulation of grass trimmings, roots and debris. Thatch is both beneficial and harmful to your lawn. It can protect infant grass, but smother adult blades.
A thatcher is someone who works with the thatch. Removes it when needed, spreads it to where it needs to go. So why am I bringing the word back into our everyday vocabulary, aside from being essential to lawn care? Because it’s a delicious word that I think describes everyone who picked up this magazine.
There’s something dirty about thatch. It hides in the shadows. It can be warm or cool. Slightly dangerous yet a comforting blanket when you need it. We think that that sums up Lawnscaping perfectly. Enjoy the issue, and appreciate some thatch.
Your Naked Lawn.
You’ve been a dirty lawn, a dirty, dirty lawn. Some believers say that plants respond to the energy around them. That soothing positive praises will positively affect a plants growth. But who wants a peaceful, fat and lazy plant? You want a sweet succulent sultry lawn. A lawn should be the veritable jezebel of the plant world, spreading its seed to every bare spot around it. Other lawns may call it a “whore” but that’s okay. The other lawns are just jealous.
At LawnScapping we are putting this to the test, on our personal lawn. If plants do respond to energy, you want to send the most provocative sensuous energy possible into your yard. Your lawn likes it when you talk dirty. We are going to ease into this experiment. There were some funny looks from the neighbors when we moved speakers outside and directed them downwards. Neighbors be damned, the lawn comes first.
The beginning of the experiment started well enough. Without getting to risqué the staff started sending seductive energy out into the grass, whispering:
“It drives me crazy when you look like you do.”
“You’re so damn sexy.”
“I can’t wait to mow you.”
Results were mixed. Overall the lawn seemed to react as though it was a prude, with the only exception being the patches right under the speakers, but they could have just been receiving more shade. So in the next few weeks tactics were ampified and things steamed up.
Taking cues from certain *Cough* videos that had been watched, for research purposes only, the dirty talk escalated. The difficulty with talking to a plant is that there is no back and forth, aside from the occasional bend in the wind. So unsure of what my lawn wanted to hear everyone here just went at it with a barrage of dirty come-ons.
“You like getting rough don’t you? I’ll go get the rake.”
“I’m going to make you so moist with my hose.”
“You’re gonna get aerated because you’re a naughty lawn.”
In conclusion, the speakers were taken down. The results were too mixed to determine what exactly was working and the neighborhood petition against us was starting to reach a high number – no one had any idea that there were even that many people living in the area. When it gets down to it the sweet nothings whispered to your lawn should be kept private. If it already looks sexy to you, that’s what’s important.
Your Lawndrobe
What to wear when you’re getting dirty. Is the jeans and dirty shirt always the right choice when you are working on your yard? Like anything else in lawn care it all depends on the situation. The “I don’t care clothes” have come into lawn fashion because people don’t want to sully their date night attire. This isn’t the only option, that changing your yard work wardrobe can lead to pleasing results.
“Why should I dress up to work in the lawn?” The simple answer is that you already dress up without concern of sullying your clothes when you do other things: go clubbing, out to bars, to sporting games; why should lawn care be any different? Sometimes a stain, a tear, or a fray can be a badge, reminding you of a good time. Some of the best times I have had are working in my lawn, I would much rather have memories of that, than having a beer spilled on me while listening to bad club music.
While you are out tilling, other people are looking. Unless you have built a ten-foot wall around your property, which is something I actually recommend but I will save that for another article, you are going to have lookie-loos. If you’re reading this, it’s safe to say that your lawn is going to be looking so good that people are going to stop and take notice. Do you really want them to catch you in that ancient Garfield t-shirt with the hole at nipple level, and a pair of cutoffs?
So what should you wear? Mix it up. Denim is great, and sometimes the right pair of jeans can be the perfect look for you. However don’t forget about other fabrics. A nice tweed coat in the fall when raking gives the appearance that you are a professor who, in between teaching the youths of the world, finds the time to make his lawn look good. A tuxedo might be too much but a tuxedo shirt says that you have a sense of humor. When it gets cold, think about jackets. A nice leather Indiana jones style jacket shows how adventurous you can be.
Don’t forget about accessories. Hats, boots, belts; all can really bring your lawndrobe together. Accessories really show where you come from. A cowboy hat says that you know what cows look like, but would probably be inappropriate if you are living in a city mowing a community garden. The belt buckle is a great addition to show your personality. Are you a, “I like beer” or a, “Fun starts here” kind of man? And lastly, a moment on overalls.
These are my one rule breaker because they do fall into the un-caring jeans and shirt category, however they are so much more. Why are they different? Because they’re a pair of jeans and a shirt in one. These are not for the lawn amateur. You can’t just jump into a pair and expect to not look ridiculous. Overalls show your ultimate devotion to your lawn. The uniform of mowers everywhere. But if you don’t have the lawn to match the outfit you are just going to look ridiculous.
Start easily, try tucking your shirt into your pants while working outside. If this goes unnoticed take things up a level and start wearing denim on denim with a pair of jeans and a matching denim jacket. If no one has scoffed you may be in a good position to finally step up to the big leagues. Get yourself a good pair and start working. No more taking the time to put on a shirt and pants, the time you save just gets you out into your lawn quicker.
With a little work you will be the envy of your neighbors every time you step out into your yard. Truthfully your lawn already should be making your neighbors feel a little jealous. Your outfit shouldn’t outshine your lawn but should compliment it, keep this in mind and you will do just fine.
Advice with Bunny Flowers
Aren’t my flowers so pretty? Aren’t those bunnies so cute? Get your head out of the clouds those flowers are growing like weeds and those bunnies are eating your seedlings. I’m Bunny Flowers and this is my advice about bunnies and flowers.
Firstly flowers should be the frame to your lawn. Think of your lawn as an immaculate painting, something that’s intricate and timeless. Now you don’t want to go messing that up by having a bunch of neon clashing colors poking up everywhere. When it comes to flowers a little goes a long way. Pick a color and stick with it.
While we are at it, flowers aren’t all that functional. Girls do like the occasional posy but outside of that they don’t do much good. The space that flowers take up could be better used by planting vegetables, fruit, or wait for it fragrant plants to repel pests. Think about mint, garlic, or sage.
Talking about repelling pests, bunnies are the cutest hell beast there is. The little bunchy tail and squished up nose, those watery eyes, so soft, just want to squeeze…No, stop it. Get that cuteness out of your head. Rabbits are pests, adorable pests, but nothing adorable about a barren lawn. They will eat everything that your lawn has to offer and guess what - they mate like rabbits even if you get rid of one another is probably going to take it’s place.
What do you do about this flop-eared hydra that threatens your yard? Having a bigger pet often helps. Dogs and cats don’t get a long with rabbits outside of cute internet videos, so let them put in some work and patrol your lawn keeping rabbits away. The bigger the pet the better protection for your lawn, but be careful with this. You really don’t want to have to worry about convincing a ten-foot python that your lawn isn’t for him either.
Hopefully some of you will take my advice and will not face total lawn destruction. Stay vigilant friends.
Dear Oh Deer
In the last few weeks we have received many calls on the show regarding other types of deer and I think I need to clear some issues up. I am a North American White Tailed Deer and proud of it. I have been called a deercist before, but I think what people don’t understand is that the differences between deer is quite different from the differences between people.
Take for example the Moose. The mongoloid of our species. Mooses, Moosi, I don’t even know what the plural for moose is. Female moose are called cows, seriously you have something that’s technically a deer that’s called a cow, that looks like a freak. They have furry curved antlers, what good will those ever do? It’s like putting stuffed animals in a cannon whats the point?
On the other end of the scale the Púdu is known as the worlds smallest deer. These things only get to be 17 inches tall. They are in danger of loosing their natural habitat, which makes sense because they are too short to defend themselves. Let’s face it given their size they are going to be turned into a house pet if they aren’t careful.
Chinese water deer, I know I have made mention of Reindeer being a little backwards, but these deer take it to a different level. Instead of having a proper rack of antlers, water deer grow fangs. Seriously fangs. Large tusks jutting from their mouths have resulted in them being known as vampire deer. However these posers never let on the truth, that the only vampire deer known was staked years ago back in the mid seventies.
Deercism is a problem and I want to assure you that I judge people on their personality first and foremost. Take my cousin Jeremy, he’s a Jackalope. My Uncle got drunk one thing led to another and he’s married to a rabbit in Vegas. However the two are still together, so good things can come from mistakes. Now a rabbit-deer hybrid may be scoffed at, but I assure you I only have problems with Jeremy because his new wave hippy ideals led him to tearing up his lawn replacing it with a rock garden. What a disgrace.
The grass next door.
Taming naughty Saint Augustine. The one that’s the most difficult to tame is the one that we are all attracted to. People seem to be masochists in their need to make their lives difficult. Whether it’s the dirty girl, or the man with the shady past, danger and turmoil seem to be the most attractive qualities. Our lawns are no different.
Saint Augustine is the impossible to catch Unicorn of the grass world. Grown naturally in tropical climates this thick shag-carpet like grass is the envy of anyone with a yard. So thick that it becomes a turf crowding out all weeds.
Augustine has a very temperamental personality. Not liking extended periods of shade, St. Augustine works best in southern climates. You are also going to need soil high in acidity and alkaline. Constant fertilizing and protection from pests, this is not a maintenance free grass, but your efforts will be worth it.
Only the persistent and lucky will be able to tame St. Augustine, but those that do will be rewarded with a lawn so lush it could be watered with your neighbors will drool.
Seed or Sod
Cats or dogs, vanilla or chocolate, seed or sod. The long debate as old as lawn care itself. There are grassboys on both sides of this argument, each praising their side while condemning the other.
Seeding is the natural way to fill out your lawn. Planting a seed in soil is the way that nature intended lawns to be grown. Sodding is unnatural. Leaving rolled up sod out makes it at risk to dehydration, fragile roots, and bent blades.
Sodding is the only way to start a lawn in the modern world. Leave the seed growing to professionals all you need to do is roll it out. Seeding is for old timers with too much time on their hands. Throwing seeds around your yard, you might as well just start a buffet for birds.
Whichever you decide, it’s all grass. The important thing is that your lawn looks good. Remember, seed, sod, at least it’s not Astro Turf.
Dirty Thatchers
Welcome to another issue of Lawnscaping. I wanted to take a moment to talk about thatch, thatchers and thatching.
This is a term that’s not used everyday but here at Lawnscaping we believe in keeping things classy. Thatch is found directly below your grass line. It is the accumulation of grass trimmings, roots and debris. Thatch is both beneficial and harmful to your lawn. It can protect infant grass, but smother adult blades.
A thatcher is someone who works with the thatch. Removes it when needed, spreads it to where it needs to go. So why am I bringing the word back into our everyday vocabulary, aside from being essential to lawn care? Because it’s a delicious word that I think describes everyone who picked up this magazine.
There’s something dirty about thatch. It hides in the shadows. It can be warm or cool. Slightly dangerous yet a comforting blanket when you need it. We think that that sums up Lawnscaping perfectly. Enjoy the issue, and appreciate some thatch.
Your Naked Lawn.
You’ve been a dirty lawn, a dirty, dirty lawn. Some believers say that plants respond to the energy around them. That soothing positive praises will positively affect a plants growth. But who wants a peaceful, fat and lazy plant? You want a sweet succulent sultry lawn. A lawn should be the veritable jezebel of the plant world, spreading its seed to every bare spot around it. Other lawns may call it a “whore” but that’s okay. The other lawns are just jealous.
At LawnScapping we are putting this to the test, on our personal lawn. If plants do respond to energy, you want to send the most provocative sensuous energy possible into your yard. Your lawn likes it when you talk dirty. We are going to ease into this experiment. There were some funny looks from the neighbors when we moved speakers outside and directed them downwards. Neighbors be damned, the lawn comes first.
The beginning of the experiment started well enough. Without getting to risqué the staff started sending seductive energy out into the grass, whispering:
“It drives me crazy when you look like you do.”
“You’re so damn sexy.”
“I can’t wait to mow you.”
Results were mixed. Overall the lawn seemed to react as though it was a prude, with the only exception being the patches right under the speakers, but they could have just been receiving more shade. So in the next few weeks tactics were ampified and things steamed up.
Taking cues from certain *Cough* videos that had been watched, for research purposes only, the dirty talk escalated. The difficulty with talking to a plant is that there is no back and forth, aside from the occasional bend in the wind. So unsure of what my lawn wanted to hear everyone here just went at it with a barrage of dirty come-ons.
“You like getting rough don’t you? I’ll go get the rake.”
“I’m going to make you so moist with my hose.”
“You’re gonna get aerated because you’re a naughty lawn.”
In conclusion, the speakers were taken down. The results were too mixed to determine what exactly was working and the neighborhood petition against us was starting to reach a high number – no one had any idea that there were even that many people living in the area. When it gets down to it the sweet nothings whispered to your lawn should be kept private. If it already looks sexy to you, that’s what’s important.
Your Lawndrobe
What to wear when you’re getting dirty. Is the jeans and dirty shirt always the right choice when you are working on your yard? Like anything else in lawn care it all depends on the situation. The “I don’t care clothes” have come into lawn fashion because people don’t want to sully their date night attire. This isn’t the only option, that changing your yard work wardrobe can lead to pleasing results.
“Why should I dress up to work in the lawn?” The simple answer is that you already dress up without concern of sullying your clothes when you do other things: go clubbing, out to bars, to sporting games; why should lawn care be any different? Sometimes a stain, a tear, or a fray can be a badge, reminding you of a good time. Some of the best times I have had are working in my lawn, I would much rather have memories of that, than having a beer spilled on me while listening to bad club music.
While you are out tilling, other people are looking. Unless you have built a ten-foot wall around your property, which is something I actually recommend but I will save that for another article, you are going to have lookie-loos. If you’re reading this, it’s safe to say that your lawn is going to be looking so good that people are going to stop and take notice. Do you really want them to catch you in that ancient Garfield t-shirt with the hole at nipple level, and a pair of cutoffs?
So what should you wear? Mix it up. Denim is great, and sometimes the right pair of jeans can be the perfect look for you. However don’t forget about other fabrics. A nice tweed coat in the fall when raking gives the appearance that you are a professor who, in between teaching the youths of the world, finds the time to make his lawn look good. A tuxedo might be too much but a tuxedo shirt says that you have a sense of humor. When it gets cold, think about jackets. A nice leather Indiana jones style jacket shows how adventurous you can be.
Don’t forget about accessories. Hats, boots, belts; all can really bring your lawndrobe together. Accessories really show where you come from. A cowboy hat says that you know what cows look like, but would probably be inappropriate if you are living in a city mowing a community garden. The belt buckle is a great addition to show your personality. Are you a, “I like beer” or a, “Fun starts here” kind of man? And lastly, a moment on overalls.
These are my one rule breaker because they do fall into the un-caring jeans and shirt category, however they are so much more. Why are they different? Because they’re a pair of jeans and a shirt in one. These are not for the lawn amateur. You can’t just jump into a pair and expect to not look ridiculous. Overalls show your ultimate devotion to your lawn. The uniform of mowers everywhere. But if you don’t have the lawn to match the outfit you are just going to look ridiculous.
Start easily, try tucking your shirt into your pants while working outside. If this goes unnoticed take things up a level and start wearing denim on denim with a pair of jeans and a matching denim jacket. If no one has scoffed you may be in a good position to finally step up to the big leagues. Get yourself a good pair and start working. No more taking the time to put on a shirt and pants, the time you save just gets you out into your lawn quicker.
With a little work you will be the envy of your neighbors every time you step out into your yard. Truthfully your lawn already should be making your neighbors feel a little jealous. Your outfit shouldn’t outshine your lawn but should compliment it, keep this in mind and you will do just fine.
Advice with Bunny Flowers
Aren’t my flowers so pretty? Aren’t those bunnies so cute? Get your head out of the clouds those flowers are growing like weeds and those bunnies are eating your seedlings. I’m Bunny Flowers and this is my advice about bunnies and flowers.
Firstly flowers should be the frame to your lawn. Think of your lawn as an immaculate painting, something that’s intricate and timeless. Now you don’t want to go messing that up by having a bunch of neon clashing colors poking up everywhere. When it comes to flowers a little goes a long way. Pick a color and stick with it.
While we are at it, flowers aren’t all that functional. Girls do like the occasional posy but outside of that they don’t do much good. The space that flowers take up could be better used by planting vegetables, fruit, or wait for it fragrant plants to repel pests. Think about mint, garlic, or sage.
Talking about repelling pests, bunnies are the cutest hell beast there is. The little bunchy tail and squished up nose, those watery eyes, so soft, just want to squeeze…No, stop it. Get that cuteness out of your head. Rabbits are pests, adorable pests, but nothing adorable about a barren lawn. They will eat everything that your lawn has to offer and guess what - they mate like rabbits even if you get rid of one another is probably going to take it’s place.
What do you do about this flop-eared hydra that threatens your yard? Having a bigger pet often helps. Dogs and cats don’t get a long with rabbits outside of cute internet videos, so let them put in some work and patrol your lawn keeping rabbits away. The bigger the pet the better protection for your lawn, but be careful with this. You really don’t want to have to worry about convincing a ten-foot python that your lawn isn’t for him either.
Hopefully some of you will take my advice and will not face total lawn destruction. Stay vigilant friends.
Dear Oh Deer
In the last few weeks we have received many calls on the show regarding other types of deer and I think I need to clear some issues up. I am a North American White Tailed Deer and proud of it. I have been called a deercist before, but I think what people don’t understand is that the differences between deer is quite different from the differences between people.
Take for example the Moose. The mongoloid of our species. Mooses, Moosi, I don’t even know what the plural for moose is. Female moose are called cows, seriously you have something that’s technically a deer that’s called a cow, that looks like a freak. They have furry curved antlers, what good will those ever do? It’s like putting stuffed animals in a cannon whats the point?
On the other end of the scale the Púdu is known as the worlds smallest deer. These things only get to be 17 inches tall. They are in danger of loosing their natural habitat, which makes sense because they are too short to defend themselves. Let’s face it given their size they are going to be turned into a house pet if they aren’t careful.
Chinese water deer, I know I have made mention of Reindeer being a little backwards, but these deer take it to a different level. Instead of having a proper rack of antlers, water deer grow fangs. Seriously fangs. Large tusks jutting from their mouths have resulted in them being known as vampire deer. However these posers never let on the truth, that the only vampire deer known was staked years ago back in the mid seventies.
Deercism is a problem and I want to assure you that I judge people on their personality first and foremost. Take my cousin Jeremy, he’s a Jackalope. My Uncle got drunk one thing led to another and he’s married to a rabbit in Vegas. However the two are still together, so good things can come from mistakes. Now a rabbit-deer hybrid may be scoffed at, but I assure you I only have problems with Jeremy because his new wave hippy ideals led him to tearing up his lawn replacing it with a rock garden. What a disgrace.
The grass next door.
Taming naughty Saint Augustine. The one that’s the most difficult to tame is the one that we are all attracted to. People seem to be masochists in their need to make their lives difficult. Whether it’s the dirty girl, or the man with the shady past, danger and turmoil seem to be the most attractive qualities. Our lawns are no different.
Saint Augustine is the impossible to catch Unicorn of the grass world. Grown naturally in tropical climates this thick shag-carpet like grass is the envy of anyone with a yard. So thick that it becomes a turf crowding out all weeds.
Augustine has a very temperamental personality. Not liking extended periods of shade, St. Augustine works best in southern climates. You are also going to need soil high in acidity and alkaline. Constant fertilizing and protection from pests, this is not a maintenance free grass, but your efforts will be worth it.
Only the persistent and lucky will be able to tame St. Augustine, but those that do will be rewarded with a lawn so lush it could be watered with your neighbors will drool.
Seed or Sod
Cats or dogs, vanilla or chocolate, seed or sod. The long debate as old as lawn care itself. There are grassboys on both sides of this argument, each praising their side while condemning the other.
Seeding is the natural way to fill out your lawn. Planting a seed in soil is the way that nature intended lawns to be grown. Sodding is unnatural. Leaving rolled up sod out makes it at risk to dehydration, fragile roots, and bent blades.
Sodding is the only way to start a lawn in the modern world. Leave the seed growing to professionals all you need to do is roll it out. Seeding is for old timers with too much time on their hands. Throwing seeds around your yard, you might as well just start a buffet for birds.
Whichever you decide, it’s all grass. The important thing is that your lawn looks good. Remember, seed, sod, at least it’s not Astro Turf.
4/8/11
4/4/11
3/31/11
3/25/11
John Deere Tweets
Just Wanted to show where I'm at here are the Tweets that I have we want to get a long list going so that we can have automatic tweets daily.
Snippets:
1. If the grass is always greener on one side wouldn’t it always be greener on the other side too?
2. Sunday, who cares about golf I would rather get the chance to mow the fairway.
3. Saw someone mowing a lawn with a grey mower, it was like a brown spot on a banana.
4. Make a deal with dirty birds, you get them a bath, they will eat insects from you yard.
5. Flowers are just a frame for your lawn.
6. Kiddie pools are a pox on your lawn
7. Fall, hide your UFO sized brown patches once the kiddie pools are put away.
8. Forget showers, spray your kids with a hose you water your lawn while your kids get drenched.
9. Astro turf is like finding out there is no Santa Claus.
10. Lawn darts, are not the acupuncture of lawncare.
11. How could a rock garden be relaxing? There’s nothing to mow.
12. We need to end this myth that blowing dandelions is good luck, it spreads weeds people.
13. Pink flamingos they’re water birds by nature and only stand on one leg, get the fowl out of your yard.
14. Your backyard is like your mistress go wild with it, just don’t let your front yard find out.
15. “Get off my lawn.” Has become ineffective try, “Have fun finding the landmine kids.”
16. Get rid of brown spots in your yard and teach your dog how to use a toilet.
17. When buying a house beware spray painted lawns, Yards wrapped up in graffiti come from a tough background.
18. This is dedicated to all the lawn artists mowing pictures into their lawns.
19. Chocolate or vanilla, kiss or be kissed, seed or sod.
20. Size, shape, every lawn is equal in our eyes, except for turf that’s just gross.
21. Moss, it’s living, it’s green, but you can’t mow it. Would you like a tupe to go with your lies?
22. It’s not that we don’t like children, we just don’t like them playing on the lawn. What’s wrong with asphalt?
23. Gophers vile beasts, it’s no wonder Murphy lost it “I am not all right.” Dynamite is too good for you.
24. Moles how to avoid them: sun block and traps, just don’t bait your traps with sun block, you’d think it would work, but it doesn’t.
25. Your lawn is your home’s beard, a beautiful green well trimmed beard.
26. Get the lawn gnomes out of your yard, beady eyed devils smoking corn cob pipes, who would give them corn?
27. If there were no fences would the grass be greener everywhere?
28. Blades of grass getting cut by spinning green and yellow blades of awesomeness, let the battle begin.
29. A perfect sea of green, without the worry of sharks.
30. While flannel might be out of style in the fashion industry the checkered pattern always looks good on your lawn.
31. Rain rain go away, I want to mow everyday.
32. When the weather outside is stormy, there’s nothing wrong with sitting on your mower in the garage.
33. When there’s snow on the ground and you can’t mow just think it’s only a few more weeks until spring, or buy a snow blowing attachment.
34. Spiders, do help your yard by eating insects, but if they come inside they’re getting squished, their scary and gross.
35. To think, before mowers people must have used scissors to cut the grass.
36. Raking leaves in the fall should be like unwrapping a Christmas present, yay I got a lawn.
37. Why would someone build a hedge maze? Who would want to get lost spending an eternity in their lawn…I need to build a hedge maze.
38. Who wants to go to a beach, with a lawn and a hose you can have just as much fun, and you won’t track sand everywhere.
39. Sadly a driveway cuts down on the size of your lawn, that is until someone develops the raised driveway.
40. Your lawn is like the minx coat wrapped around your house.
41. BBQs are the perfect way to show off your lawn, just don’t cook on it, that’s what a deck is for.
42. Smelling like fertilizer is a small price to pay to have an immaculate lawn, added benefit for dog lovers, canines will love you.
43. The world can look at your lawn from a satellite, make sure it looks good.
44. Four leaf clovers might be lucky, but if you see one in your lawn you’re in trouble, pull that weed immediately.
45. Every evening your lawn should be your red carpet as you walk into your house, just green not red.
46. There are many good types of mowers, but the best is the one that lets you enjoy your lawn more than any other.
47. I wonder if mole people look up at our lawns.
48. Why on earth would someone pay a kid to mow the lawn, it’s like paying them to hula-hoop.
49. In what way is a pinecone a cone? More like yard grenade.
50. While sod might have been grown somewhere else love it like it was your very own.
3/14/11
Self Promo - hangover survival kit
We've got the domain name so this is definitely a go! We've decided to go with an apothecary theme for our design. We'll be creating our own packaging for the items.
MOOD BOARD:
3/12/11
3/11/11
Umbro - Copy
Sorry for the Umbro overkill, really wanted to get feedback and I couldn’t figure out how to upload everything in one post.
So this is what I have so far for the voiceover. Big question with this: what should we be included with the title slide? Should there be no voiceover just text, or should the voiceover read the text, or maybe just a voiceover?
Title slide:
Objective:
Promote Umbro’s new A-frame shoe to football inspired innovators.
Strategic idea:
Like getting ready for a game, Umbro A-frames warm up your social life.
Support:
Umbro shoes are tried and tested on the pitch able to assist any seasoned footballer. The new A-frame gives you the same support but in your social life.
Voice over:
1. ShoeBox
Now that you have a new pair of A-frames you can keep playing even after the football game is over. The Umbro experience starts with your feet. Umbro’s logo now acts as a QR code. Taking a picture of any Umbro logo will direct you to Facebook to see what is now being offered on Umbros page.
2. Facebook Landing
Social Penalty is a Facebook application that lets you give red and yellow cards to your friends for various social faux-pas.
3. Close-up Toolbar
This application installs a toolbar in your photo viewer. A list of pre-determined transgressions ranging in severity will appear when viewing photos. Social blunders include everything from a bad haircut to a spilled drink.
4. Demonstration
The next time a friend commits a heinous act of social ineptitude, simply click the appropriate icon and drag it over to your friend’s picture. The penalty flag will appear automatically leaving such messages as, “Pollock thinks this is too much.” Or Your color coordination burns my eyes. Changing with each social atrocity, “Need a sippy cup? drink wasted.” And “Eat a Pretzel you can’t be trusted with liquids.”
5. Facebook
Your profile is now going to show off how many flags you have received as well as your status in the Umbro community. If you receive ten penalty cards you are going to be benched meaning your friends can continue to flag you but you can’t flag them for 24 hours.
6. Ref-Demonstration
If you want to remove a flag you are going to need to achieve ref status. To become a referee you must give out ten penalties. This establishes your expertise of social faults, showing your ability to properly judge which of your friends truly deserves a penalty. When you get this status you are able to remove your friends penalty cards. You are also entitled to start uploading videos showing how your social life has changed since wearing Umbros.
7. Videos
Videos uploaded by fans will be judged on how well you can show that Umbro has helped Warm up your social life. Examples produced by Umbro will inspire wearers to create their own videos.
3 Spots shown here
8. Ambient
The winner of the video contest will receive an Umbro sponsored event. Including an interactive game to surprise the winner outside of their favorite nightspot.
Play at Dusk:
Your night might be coming to a close, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop the fun. Play at Dusk is a virtual football game that takes the thrill off the pitch and into the streets. Located outside of select bars, nightclubs, and cafes, contest winners are surprised to find that their city has turned into a field—and anyone can join a match. Responding to movement, the light ball acts as a real football would. Now you can warm up your social life by playing a pickup game with friends.
9. Ending Slide
For 90 minutes football keeps you happy. Umbro is setting out to make the remaining 1350 (thirteen-fifty) minutes of your day just as exhilarating. Umbro, warm up your social life.
Umbro Flash Test
This is very rough, but I wanted to show where I'm at in case anyone has any suggestions to changes that we can make.
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