Snippets:
1. If the grass is always greener on one side wouldn’t it always be greener on the other side too?
2. Sunday, who cares about golf I would rather get the chance to mow the fairway.
3. Saw someone mowing a lawn with a grey mower, it was like a brown spot on a banana.
4. Make a deal with dirty birds, you get them a bath, they will eat insects from you yard.
5. Flowers are just a frame for your lawn.
6. Kiddie pools are a pox on your lawn
7. Fall, hide your UFO sized brown patches once the kiddie pools are put away.
8. Forget showers, spray your kids with a hose you water your lawn while your kids get drenched.
9. Astro turf is like finding out there is no Santa Claus.
10. Lawn darts, are not the acupuncture of lawncare.
11. How could a rock garden be relaxing? There’s nothing to mow.
12. We need to end this myth that blowing dandelions is good luck, it spreads weeds people.
13. Pink flamingos they’re water birds by nature and only stand on one leg, get the fowl out of your yard.
14. Your backyard is like your mistress go wild with it, just don’t let your front yard find out.
15. “Get off my lawn.” Has become ineffective try, “Have fun finding the landmine kids.”
16. Get rid of brown spots in your yard and teach your dog how to use a toilet.
17. When buying a house beware spray painted lawns, Yards wrapped up in graffiti come from a tough background.
18. This is dedicated to all the lawn artists mowing pictures into their lawns.
19. Chocolate or vanilla, kiss or be kissed, seed or sod.
20. Size, shape, every lawn is equal in our eyes, except for turf that’s just gross.
21. Moss, it’s living, it’s green, but you can’t mow it. Would you like a tupe to go with your lies?
22. It’s not that we don’t like children, we just don’t like them playing on the lawn. What’s wrong with asphalt?
23. Gophers vile beasts, it’s no wonder Murphy lost it “I am not all right.” Dynamite is too good for you.
24. Moles how to avoid them: sun block and traps, just don’t bait your traps with sun block, you’d think it would work, but it doesn’t.
25. Your lawn is your home’s beard, a beautiful green well trimmed beard.
26. Get the lawn gnomes out of your yard, beady eyed devils smoking corn cob pipes, who would give them corn?
27. If there were no fences would the grass be greener everywhere?
28. Blades of grass getting cut by spinning green and yellow blades of awesomeness, let the battle begin.
29. A perfect sea of green, without the worry of sharks.
30. While flannel might be out of style in the fashion industry the checkered pattern always looks good on your lawn.
31. Rain rain go away, I want to mow everyday.
32. When the weather outside is stormy, there’s nothing wrong with sitting on your mower in the garage.
33. When there’s snow on the ground and you can’t mow just think it’s only a few more weeks until spring, or buy a snow blowing attachment.
34. Spiders, do help your yard by eating insects, but if they come inside they’re getting squished, their scary and gross.
35. To think, before mowers people must have used scissors to cut the grass.
36. Raking leaves in the fall should be like unwrapping a Christmas present, yay I got a lawn.
37. Why would someone build a hedge maze? Who would want to get lost spending an eternity in their lawn…I need to build a hedge maze.
38. Who wants to go to a beach, with a lawn and a hose you can have just as much fun, and you won’t track sand everywhere.
39. Sadly a driveway cuts down on the size of your lawn, that is until someone develops the raised driveway.
40. Your lawn is like the minx coat wrapped around your house.
41. BBQs are the perfect way to show off your lawn, just don’t cook on it, that’s what a deck is for.
42. Smelling like fertilizer is a small price to pay to have an immaculate lawn, added benefit for dog lovers, canines will love you.
43. The world can look at your lawn from a satellite, make sure it looks good.
44. Four leaf clovers might be lucky, but if you see one in your lawn you’re in trouble, pull that weed immediately.
45. Every evening your lawn should be your red carpet as you walk into your house, just green not red.
46. There are many good types of mowers, but the best is the one that lets you enjoy your lawn more than any other.
47. I wonder if mole people look up at our lawns.
48. Why on earth would someone pay a kid to mow the lawn, it’s like paying them to hula-hoop.
49. In what way is a pinecone a cone? More like yard grenade.
50. While sod might have been grown somewhere else love it like it was your very own.
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